Information about Child Abuse
Child abuse can be either verbal or physical. Both harm the child permanently. Unkind words remain in a child's memory and when he or she is an adult, they remember the hurtful words and the person who spoke them. This is sad enough, but physical abuse also causes permanent scars, mental as well as physical.
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People who hit children with a rubber hose or a leather belt (these are common occurrences) do not realize that a child's tender bones retain an imprint of the blows. X-rays can discover the pattern of child abuse by exposing the marks on the child's bones. Hitting a child with a weapon constitutes aggravated child abuse and some states (such as Florida) have penalties ranging up to THIRTY YEARS IN PRISON even if only one incident is proven.
It is best, of course, never to strike a child. Even if you only use your hand, a child's body is so much more delicate than yours that you unknowingly leave your marks below the skin.
If you are the parent or guardian of a child, you must NEVER use an object to strike a child. Children reflect this behavior and repeat it when they grow up. This is very sad and completely avoidable if the adult will restrain his/her temper. I have seen abused children hitting their dolls with a belt and screaming "lay down", and other loud commands. What do you think these girls will do when they have their own babies? Beat them with a belt, of course.
Thus, the tradition lives on from generation to generation.
I try to explain to parents and guardians that they must NEVER strike the child with an object and if they are going to spank the child, they should first ask the child if the child knows and understands why he/she is going to be spanked. Sadly, the adults revert almost immediately to the use of the leather belt.
When a sick two month old baby was sleeping, his 10 year old cousin was sitting next to the bed on which the baby was lying. The boy held a metal walking cane in his hand. When asked what he was doing with the cane, he gave a blank look, but his little sister sitting next to him piped up and said: "When the baby cries, he is going to hit it". The baby was removed from danger, but I tell you these things so you will understand that this is common in our society. Violence and aggression are characteristics of our society and many of our children are imbued with violent, aggressive and self-centered behaviors.
I am not a doctor, not a psychologist, but merely a retired schoolteacher who observes situations where children are being abused. Mothers who call their children "stupid". Fathers who desert their children and deny paternity. Economic pressures affect both the poor and the wealthy and sometimes cause a parent to become so stressed that he or she begins to take out their feelings on their innocent children. These parents are very unhappy in their own lives and their children live with this dissatisfaction every day and night. The children when grown will often carry similar dissatisfactions inside themselves and turn to abuse their children as they were abused themselves.
I understand that economic pressures cause parents to lose control of their tempers and if a child happens to be crying too long or too loudly, a parent can "crack" and start to attack the child. I never have seen a parent or guardian apologize to a child for such behavior. The adults believe that they are "justified" in reacting violently against their children.
How do we as a society begin to try to change these patterns? The effort to change abusing parents' and guardians' behaviors is monumentally difficult. Why? Because the parents believe they are correct in their actions. They believe this because THEY were raised in this manner and probably generations before them were also raised in this brutal abusive way. The roots of violent physical abuse of children are very deep and almost impossible to change or eradicate. Even if a parent or guardian is very intelligent, he or she will still revert to abusing the child when under high stress. Even though they intellectually understand that this is wrong and constitutes a felony in most US states, they CONTINUE to beat the child if they feel the child has "provoked" them too much. Actually, of course, the provocation in the adult's life is not related to the child, but rather to the adult's pressures in the adult's own life.
In other words, the adult comes home already overburdened with cares of various sorts and when the child acts out, the adult loses control and reverts to the beating syndrome.
Does the future hold hope for reforming child abusers? Yes, I think some can be reformed. If they are willing to change and if they are in counseling, perhaps they can learn to stop the child abuse pattern in their own lives. How many will be willing to devote time to counseling? I do not want to be totally negative about this problem, but I did want to let you know some of the very sad types of child abuse going on, if not in your own home, then certainly on your neighborhood block.
If you hear a child screaming and you suspect child abuse, YOU HAVE AN ABSOLUTE DUTY TO ALERT THE POLICE IMMEDIATELY. Your name will be held confidential. If you can save a child's life, you must do it. You cannot sit by and listen to abuse and do nothing to protect a helpless child.
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