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How To Get A Husband!

How to Cook to Please a Man

     NUMBER ONE: My mother said she was engaged to three men at the same time.  I personally have been married six times.  Are we gypsies? Ha, no... I have a Master's Degree and a Law Degree.  Men are our expertise.  MY MOTHER SAID: NEVER TELL A MAN YOUR PROBLEMS UNTIL YOU HAVE THE WEDDING RING ON YOUR FINGER.  WEDDING RING, NOT ENGAGEMENT RING!  If you start telling a man your problems, he may listen for awhile out of pity for you, but SOON, VERY VERY SOON, he will disappear.  Bite your tongue and DO NOT talk about problems to him until he actually becomes your husband!  BREAK THIS RULE AT YOUR PERIL.

Also: NEVER talk about your "ex", even if he asks.  If you HAVE to say something, say something NICE; after all, you DID like him when you first met him, so say something nice and DROP the subject.  If you want to KILL a relationship, start talking about your "ex".

If you have children, DO NOT DISCUSS CHILDREN ON YOUR FIRST DATE, (unless HE has custody of his own children). Even then, keep any discussion of children at a MINIMUM on your first date or you will NOT have a second date.

NUMBER ONE (A): If you already know the gentleman, DO NOT CALL HIM and DO NOT GIVE HIM ANY GIFTS!  Men do NOT WANT a woman who wants them.  Why not? Who knows? They don't.  They WANT THE WOMAN WHO APPEARS NOT TO BE INTERESTED IN THEM. Men savor the "challenge". They value the woman who values HERSELF.  So, when people say: "Play hard to get..." what they really mean is: "Start to put YOURSELF FIRST."  Think about YOUR BEST INTEREST FIRST, then you could think about him... Meanwhile, if you have your nose in the air and pretend you are too good for him, he will start to chase after you.  My opinion is that you probably ARE TOO GOOD for him, but that is your decision.

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If he calls to ask you out on a date, YOU MUST SAY, "Just a moment please, I have to look at my calendar..." THEN YOU TAKE A MINUTE AND PRETEND TO LOOK AT YOUR CALENDAR.  Then you tell him: "I am so sorry, but I am tied up on that evening, but please ask me again and hopefully I will be free."  Remember good fishing technique: sit QUIETLY in the boat. Do not make any noise or distraction.  The fish will come to the bait if you are NOT making any movement or noise.

NUMBER ONE (B) WHERE CAN YOU MEET MEN?  FORGET BARS!  Take up a hobby such as golf, sky diving, tennis, hiking, scuba diving, stamp collecting, go to the opera, the symphony, start volunteering for a good cause. ANY HOBBY,     ANY GOOD CAUSE. .  Why? Because MEN are at the club meetings, the symphony, and giving volunteer hours for good causes.  

Next Rule is: Never ask a man where he has been or why he stayed so long there.  Men do NOT like these questions.  BITE YOUR TONGUE and DO NOT ask this type of question.

HOW TO TELL IF A MAN IS MARRIED? Simply ask him for his HOME phone number.  If he refuses to give you his home phone number, HONEY, HE IS MARRIED, or at the least living with a lover.  Do not waste your valuable time on a married man or one who is already in a committed relationship.  If he does not give you his HOME PHONE number, then drop him immediately and move on.

How do you get him to propose marriage to you if you are pretending not to be interested in him?  He will chase after you.  When he calls, you must pretend you have MORE IMPORTANT things to attend to.  Put his call on hold, promise to call him back, and DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES CALL HIM BACK.  When he eventually calls you and asks why you never called him back, you say:: "oh, my goodness, I apologize; I completely forgot..."

He will begin to wonder WHO has your mind all occupied.  He assumes that oubtless it is ANOTHER MAN.  Learn this THIRD RULE: You cannot catch a man UNLESS YOU ALREADY HAVE ONE IN THE WINGS WAITING FOR YOU.  Why? Because men do NOT WANT a woman that other men do not want.  That is why. You say: "What if I don't have another man in my life?" SIMPLE, you pretend you do.  HOW? Go buy some romantic cards, sign them: "All my love, Max" (maybe also some flowers with a card) and put them where the intended husband-to-be will SEE THEM.  If he comments, just say something like: "Well, Max and I go 'way back. He was my high school sweetheart and he just seems to NEVER WANT TO LET GO..."

How to keep a man interested? Several times a week, tell him he is "absolutely right".  Why? Because NO ONE except his mother ever tells him he is absolutely right and he is STARVED to hear this phrase.  No man ever leaves a woman who tells him a couple times a week that he is absolutely right about something.  It doesn't matter what. If you are out to dinner and he says there is too much salt in the fish, then you say: "You are absolutely right!" And watch the pleasure on his face.  DO NOT OVERDO this, because if you do, he will begin to notice the manipulation.

Is all this fakey and disgusting or what? Yes, of course it is.  Is it true? Yes, of course it is.

NEVER OVER-DRESS.  TRY HARD to understate your style of dressing. A woman in a wrinkled t-shirt with rumpled-looking hair will get your fellow before you do in your silk suit.  Men like a woman who looks available.  A woman they think will say YES to their approach.  I realize that if you are a professional woman, perhaps an attorney or doctor or accountant, you will not take easily to my advice.  BUT if you will try to look as though you just rolled out of bed, that is a PLUS.  HA HA, you are saying.  TRY IT, my dear. And do not always be so perfectly clean when you go out with him.  Women have their own body odors which are ATTRACTIVE to men.  I AM NOT SAYING to wait two days before you shower.  I am saying, if you have a date for the evening, SHOWER IN THE MORNING and let your body make its own odors during the day.  Then try to let your hair look rumpled, like it looks when you first wake up.

IF you are ready to proceed with this man into a serious relationship, AND YOU HAVE CHECKED OUT HIS BACKGROUND:  SEE HOW TO DO A BACKGROUND CHECK YOURSELF! then if he is too slow for you, leave one of your blouse buttons UNBUTTONED and hopefully he will button it for you.  YOU CANNOT PROCEED WITH A RELATIONSHIP UNLESS YOU HAVE CONDUCTED A THOROUGH BACKGROUND SEARCH OF THE MAN.

NEVER CALL A MAN AND NEVER BUY ANYTHING THAT COSTS MORE THAN A DRINK OF WATER FOR A MAN.  Why not? Men HATE for a woman to keep calling them.  SO STOP CALLING NOW.  Why no expensive gifts? BECAUSE MEN WANT TO STAND ON THEIR OWN TWO FEET.  Let him buy something for YOU, dear.  Not the reverse.  Whatever he buys for YOU, say "Thank you, darling, I love it!" BUT DO NOT GO OUT AND BUY HIM ANYTHING. 

Remember, we are talking about a man you are NOT YET MARRIED TO.  The gift rules do NOT apply to a husband you already have. 

NOW, WHEN HE GETS AROUND TO ASKING FOR YOUR HAND IN MARRIAGE, here is what you MUST SAY: "May I have time to think it over, please? This is so sudden..."  THEN TAKE THREE DAYS BEFORE YOU SAY YES TO HIS PROPOSAL.  THIS WAY, HE KNOWS HE REALLY HAD TO SWEAT TO GET YOU!

YOU SAY YOU JUST WANT TO CHAT? HERE IS A GOOD START:

HERE ARE SOME GREAT BOOKS ON THE SUBJECT THAT WILL HELP YOU IN YOUR QUEST FOR A HUSBAND! BUY THEM NOW AND MEMORIZE THEM SO YOU WILL BE READY FOR ALL FUTURE POSSIBLE HUSBAND CANDIDATES!