If your spouse or your significant other is giving you "signals" that things are not going well and they want to leave the relationship, what should you do?
First, you have to realize that every person is free to decide if he or she wants to continue in a relationship or not. NOW: what can you do to try to salvage the relationship?
1. Try not to be emotional. Try to get the person to sit with you to tell you what is in his or her heart. Have you not been spending enough time with your beloved? Does he or she feel shut out of your life? Remember, you need to learn to treat this person THE SAME WAY YOU TREATED HIM OR HER WHEN YOU WERE COURTING. I know this is difficult if you are holding down a job which absorbs most of your waking hours in order for you to be able to pay the bills and you have children to care for. But, SOMEHOW, you need to get back to that beginning state of mind with your loved one. Sit the person down if possible, look into his/her eyes and TRY to look at him/her as though you are seeing them for the FIRST TIME and you are FALLING IN LOVE. This is an important thing for you to re-learn to do.
2. If your loved one tells you that your lack of interest is the main problem, and that there is no one else in his or her life, then you know what you must promise to do and then you MUST DO IT: you must begin immediately and continue each and every day to PAY MORE ATTENTION TO YOUR LOVED ONE. You can CALL him/her from your job when you have a permitted break time such as lunch. You can begin to remember important dates such as his/her birthday and your anniversary. Anniversary of the day you met, wedding anniversary, etc. You will need to become more "romantic". "How?", you ask. Surprise him or her with a CD of favorite music. Cook his or her favorite meal. COMPLIMENT HIM OR HER. Find something to praise. Anything is good to praise. The best is to say: "I am SO PROUD of you, dear", for whatever this loved person has been doing in your life, such as earning a salary, raising the kids, etc. This solution TAKES TIME. This is not an overnight cure. You must keep at it every day until you make a habit of PRAISING your loved one and spending MORE TIME with him/her. Let this person know you want to hear THEIR INPUT into your relationship. You want to hear their point of view really about everything.
3. Now for the worst scenario: what to do if your loved one admits there is another person in his or her life and this is the reason he or she wishes to leave the relationship with you. First, you must get a grip on YOURSELF. You do NOT gain anything if you explode when you learn the truth. Bear in mind that there are VERY GOOD CHANCES that your loved one will TIRE QUICKLY of the new person in his/her life and your beloved will be calling you and wanting to return to YOU, probably sooner than you may imagine. This is exactly why you must CONTROL YOUR REMARKS AND ACTIONS at this time when what you really want to do is just the opposite. TRY TO STAY COOL. Tell your loved one this: "I understand how you feel. You are perhaps bored with our relationship and you want a fresh, new, maybe more exciting partner. I want you to ALWAYS KNOW THAT I WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU TO RETURN IF YOU WANT TO RETURN TO ME IN THE FUTURE, THE DOOR IS ALWAYS OPEN FOR YOU BECAUSE I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU. That said, LET THE LOVED ONE GO IF HE OR SHE STILL WANTS TO GO. Tell this person as they leave for the "last time" that the DOOR IS ALWAYS OPEN AND YOU WILL ALWAYS BE AVAILABLE TO TALK TO HIM OR HER. Then you have to simply wait it out. I have personally seen cases where the loved one sees his/her error almost immediately upon moving in with the other person, sometimes within three days. I have personally suffered the length of one year before my husband called me and wanted to return. Then, of course, it is YOUR DECISION whether you wish the person to return to you or not. I personally told my husband I did not wish to resume a relationship with him, and that although I love him and most likely always will, I could not bear the idea that PERHAPS he would betray me again in the future and I would not be able to survive it TWICE. As I say, at that point, when your loved one desires to return, as MOST DO WISH TO RETURN, then you must go inside yourself and determine whether you may wish or not to resume the relationship with him/her. I cannot tell you what to do, you alone must decide when that moment comes. ALSO, you will want your loved one to IMMEDIATELY GET AN HIV TEST before resuming a relationship with you.
I hope and pray that this information has helped you to get through this difficult and heart-wrenching time in your life. Try to remain positive. Remember, also, please, that SOMETIMES it is not the best thing for you to take the person back when they come crawling back to your door. SOMETIMES you are better off without this person. I know exactly how difficult this will be for you because I still love my husband and I dream about him, and imagine I see him sometimes on his racing bike...after ten years, going on eleven now...
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